Dutch Glow, a furniture polish that claims to contain “Amish Wood Milk” is flooding the airwaves right now. In fact, that’s probably why you are reading this: you saw the commercial and want to see if Dutch Glow is legit. Good for you! (SPOILER ALERT: it’s not.)
Dutch Glow has been around for years trying to get people to believe there is such a thing as Amish Wood Milk. (SPOILER #2: there isn’t.) There isn’t an Easter Bunny, either – sorry if we blew your mind just now.
The Dutch Glow Pitch
Dutch Glow starts out by trying to convince you something is wrong with your current furniture polish – several 3/4-full cans of which are probably sitting in your cupboard right now. They say “crafty chemical companies” have been deceiving people for generations, selling furniture polish that creates a “false shine”. (That’s when you’re supposed to glance at your kitchen table.)
But, fear not hapless TV viewer – there is a REMEDY! It’s called Dutch Glow, and they say it is a 100-year-old “recipe” from the Amish, who are a very orthodox sect of Christians. Supposably, in addition to rejecting modern technology, making great cheese, and having long beards, they also know a thing or two about polishing wood.
They say Dutch Glow removes years of wax buildup (left behind by inferior brands), cleans, polishes, nourishes, and helps repel dust. They add it works on painted surfaces and reveals your wood’s natural beauty. They brag it takes out water rings with just a few wipes (which they claim are just wax buildup anyways.)
To prove these claims about repelling dust, they tilt a table on its side, slather half of it in Dutch Glow, and then let feathers rain down. On the side with the Dutch Glow, the feathers don’t “stick” but rather slide to the ground. Huh?
What The Heck Is It?
That’s the thing, WE DON’T KNOW. We DO know there is no such thing as Amish Wood Milk (Google it yourself if you want, but shouldn’t you trust us by now?) It does come out of the bottle white, but many have said it looks and works just like ordinary water. There has been some speculation it contains linseed oil, a common ingredient in regular furniture polish. Hmmm...
On the website and in the infomercial, a guy named Mick Leonard Pink of Ribbon Cleaning says the only thing he uses is Dutch Glow. Another guy named Kenton Kunstler of a company called Floors N More Direct says they recommend it to all their customers. Here’s the thing: we did a little sleuthing and the phone number listed for Pink Ribbon doesn’t work, and Floors N More was an answering machine during normal business hours. Just sayin’.
Then there are 4 so-called “Five Star Reviews” that gush about Dutch Glow. Problem here is, there are no names attached or any info where these quotes are from. In other words, they mean NOTHING.
“Bright Reviews is the BEST website ever! It helped cure my lymphoma!”
(See what we did there?)
They say it’s $10 plus $7.95 shipping and handling for a total of $25.90.
But wait – there’s more! (Isn’t there always?!) They claim if you “Buy 1” you “Get 1”, conveniently leaving off the word “FREE” and adding a little graphic that says “BONUS” on the extra bottle. For this privilege, they charge you another $7.95 in shipping and handling fees for a TRUE total of $25.90 for 2 bottles of Dutch Glow. Oh, and they’ll throw in a Jumbo Micro Fiber Polishing Cloth (which probably cost them 2 cents) FREE!
The Dutch Glow Scam
First of all, a good rule of thumb about any product: if the shipping and handling fees are MORE than the product itself, chances are, it is a rip-off. Why? Because these fees are usually non-refundable, so even if you return it, you have still given them money. In this case, they say Dutch Glow is $10, but its fees are $15.90. See how this works?
But some people either won’t be deterred or just really have some dull wood staring them in the face. They take the plunge and click “Process Order”. And that’s when the “fun” really begins. Many consumers have complained about annoying pop-ups that confuse and/or add products to your cart during the ordering process. People have later noticed charges on their credit cards for unwanted items or monthly subscriptions. When they call to complain, they are given the run-around. A few irate commenters have given a shout-out to Glenda – hey Glenda, help these people OUT!!
On top of all that, according to to these Dutch Glow reviews, some folks have said that they’ve even received phone calls allegedly FROM Dutch Glow after they’ve ordered online, using hard-sell tactics to get them to spend more money.
Bottom Line – And should you buy Dutch Glow?
Do we really have to go on and on about Dutch Glow? I don’t think so. It’s a scam. ‘Nuff ‘said